Saturday, May 31, 2014

Texas

You know, I've never been to Texas.  I've been to many other states, and even other countries. But, Texas has eluded me.
Well, it appears I soon will have the ultimate opportunity to see Texas.  We are moving to Houston in June.  And I'm completely ecstatic and terrified at the same time.

Who knew cross country moves were so involved? Obviously I didn't.  Our van is certainly not able to make the trip, not to mention I have 3 small children (one that is just a month old). So driving is out of the question.  Thankfully everything is coming together, and we will ship our van and all of our belongings so the kids and I and my parents can fly out. James flies out 3 weeks before we do. (Don't even get me started on how I feel about taking care of all three kids alone for 3 weeks while packing and moving...it's not good). But getting prepared for moving so far away is hard. I have gotten rid of so much stuff that I had previously deemed important. Funny how that works.

James got a job working for a computer forensics company. He will be a consultant at BP for his company. It's basically the perfect job for James. He is great with people, and will do wonderfully. He is really excited for a new opportunity. Not that NuSkin hasn't been great to us, it's just time to move on.

I really am excited. We;ll be less than an hour from the Gulf of Mexico, we will be very close to my brother and James' brother. Houston has many great things for us, and we have found a beautiful suburb to live in. Basically it's all we have been working towards for years, and that's beyond exciting. I have even found a house I love, but they aren't willing to wait until July, so I am hoping that they can't rent it until we get there... Is that horrible?

Maybe now that I am far away from more people I care about the blog will get updated more? Possibly, but I certainly don't have a great track record for it...

Wish us luck! We can't wait!

Monday, January 6, 2014

Human Shield

As my kids get older, the idea of forcibly strapping them to me so they can't ever get out of my sight, and therefore never get hurt, looks better and better.  This idea may sound silly, but I think that most parents could see my point of view. 

Yesterday was my son's first day of Primary (an age induced graduation of church classes) and it was hard for me.  I brought him, and basically suckered him into letting me stay to keep an eye on him. I sat in the back, and he looked back every few minutes, and I would smile and wave. Twice he ran back and hugged me and said "I just needed to hug and kiss you". Of course I willingly accepted, and sent him back to his seat.  I could tell he was bored. He kept putting his head between his legs, and trying to talk to his teacher (who by the way didn't talk back, which is a whole other story in mommy protectiveness) and looking around. I know a lot of it is because he wasn't engaged. If he had paid attention he would have realized they were singing fun songs and being silly.  And I have to say, I didn't like it.

I know that it's important for him to go and learn to interact, and have fun. But it took almost everything in me to stay at the back and not be his mouth piece. Which I have come to realize I do quite often. If he says something, I pay attention, if others don't, as the adult, I make sure that they have heard him and respond. It killed me to sit back and watch him in a new environment and not hold his hand and make the teacher respond to him.

After the big group meets then they go into smaller classes, and I did not go with him. I knew that part of the reason he hadn't enjoyed the other meeting was because I was in the back, and he didn't have to pay attention to the teacher, cause he paid attention to me.  In the middle of his class, his teacher brought him to me to go to the bathroom. We talked for moment, and he said he didn't want to go back. I almost picked  him up and just went home and cuddled him. He is growing so fast, I just want to keep him as my little boy as long as I can. But I sucked it up, and sent him back. After church I went to get him, hoping that my efforts had paid off, and his class was fun. I got there, he was sitting on the teachers lap across the room from the other kids, and as soon as he saw me he said "They won't pass it to me" and the teacher looked at me and smiled, and didn't say anything.

I wanted to scream! I wanted to grab him and tell that teacher it was her responsibility to teach the other kids to share and to play together. And then I wanted to never take him back. Or let him go anywhere away from me again.

I realize now that my pregnancy hormones may have gotten control of me a little.  And now, I want it to be Sunday again, so we can go back, and I can teach him that he has to go back. That he can't quit because it wasn't what he wanted. I want so badly to be as sure of myself as I have to pretend to be. When in reality, I just want him to snuggle with me forever and never grow up.

So the idea of being a human shield to protect him from bad things seems like a great idea. Especially when I read the news, and hear horribly sad stories about children being hurt, or abused.  But then I realize my mother somehow managed to let me leave. And I turned out okay. I was hurt, and abused at times. And my heart got broken, and people were mean to me, and I cried.  Somehow I survived it all.  I know my kids are stronger than I am. So I know that they can handle it.

I still think it's not a bad idea to want to take away all of his hurt and pain.  I suppose thats part of growing up though, letting him get hurt. And sadly at times encouraging him to push through hard things, and even seek them out. 

He wants to be strong like his dad. If I stop him from going out into the world, I am taking away his dreams.  And mine too. I dream of him feeling the joy I felt the moment I found out he was coming.  The amazing love that I felt when I saw him for the first time. Covered in goo and looking like an alien, he was my alien.  Who am I to take that away from him?

Oh heaven help me, how am I going to let all of my children do this?   Stiff upper lip, right?

Monday, June 24, 2013

A lesson learned

My sweet one year old daughter taught me something today.  I love how much I get to learn from my children, probably way more than they learn from me (ok, slight exaggeration).  I laid her and her brother down for a nap. We are working on getting them to sleep in the same room at nap time. We have had night time sleep sharing down for several months, but she was just sleeping in our room during naptime. I was getting kind of sick of not being able to go in there and clean, or put away clothes, or get to my craft stuff during nap time.  AKA the only time I get to do stuff alone.  So she cried when I first laid them down, and he told her to be quiet.  It took a few times of him saying "SHH!" before she stopped and they both went down.  I haven't been feeling so peachy lately, so I laid down to rest as well.  Less than an hour later she started crying.  I decided she could just cry, and put herself back to sleep.  She needed more sleep than that, and I didn't want to get up.  She cried for 15 minutes before I finally got up.  I threw the blanket off, marched into their room, picked her up, and marched back out to deal with her (so as not to wake Thomas, who will sleep through her crying no matter how upset she gets).  She lets out one good scream, and then as I close her door, she laid her head on my chest and stopped crying.  I instantly felt sorry that I had gotten so upset with her, and decided to snuggle with her in my bed. She laid on me for a few minutes, and then moved to being beside me.  I tried to get her back to sleep, but she wouldn't do it.  So I got upset again, because I couldn't force my desire for sleep onto a one year old-I know, not my most shining moment in motherhood.  And I said "Lorelai! Why won't you go to sleep!" slightly forcefully, and she looked right at me and was suddenly so sad and contrite looking.  She snuggled up to me and rested with me for a good 15 minutes before she wanted to get up and play. 
That girl.  I love her so much, and she is really good at getting what she wants.  But today I realized she wasn't just doing something to get what she wanted, she just wanted her mommy to hold her and comfort her.  She is helping me to understand patience and compassion. I adore my children, and I often forget that to them I am "Mommy".  In the same way my mom used to be able to make anything better, and always knew where things were, and how to do everything, now I am that to my children. Sometimes they want nothing more than me to hold them, and let them know that everything is alright.  I am not a perfect mother, quite far from it, in fact.  But my children seem to love me unconditionally anyway.  I want to be like that. I want to be able to see past someone's imperfections and their lapses in patience and kindness, and just love them.  And my sweet one year old and vivacious three year old are teaching me how.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

I think it's safe to say...

I am a horrible blogger.  I am, it's true. They always say the first step is admitting it right?  Well, I stink at it :)

So much has happened!  Lorelai, poor Lorelai. She had tubes in her ears, which is apparently a real surgery.  They completely put her under and everything. It wasn't too bad.  The worst part was the "emergent delirium" That is the actual term the doctor used. When children wake up from being under anesthetic they freak out. Full on strong than that child should be, break your ear drums screams and complete panic.  I heard her wake up, and I was back in post op.  I thought to myself "bring her to me, I can nurse her and she'll be fine"  it took them 10 minutes to figure that out, and finally they did. And I nursed her and she snuggled up to me, and fell asleep.  I am not going to lie, giving my baby to the nurses and watching her leave, super sucky. 

Thomas is amazing. He is so freakin smart it blows my mind.  He speaks so well, and he reasons things out.  He'll ask me a question, and then come up with a conclusion based on my answer.  Or he'll tell me something, and then tell me the reasoning behind his thoughts and actions,.  He's still two, so sometimes the reason is "Because I saw and elephant"  but still, I am impressed!  He knows his entire alphabet, and can count to 20, and we are now working on phonics of letter sounds.  My new favorite thing he does is "But please!"  When I say no, he comes back with "But please!!" and it's hilarious.  Today I had to explain to him that it doesn't change the fact that I said no.  We are working on it.

School is in full swing, and there are only 2 more months!  I'm so stoked, it's almost done! We have 4 job applications out and in the next 2 weeks he will test 3 times. We are extremely hopeful that we will be able to get hired somewhere very soon, so we can start planning.  I mean our future is completely up in the air right now.  Where, when, whatever. It's freaky!  We want another child next year, and so I want to have a bigger place, we need to know what city to look in, and we have no time frame, or anyting.  It's really hard.  But we are doing all we can, so it'll be okay! Plus I am having fun looking at apartments everywhere from Spanish Fork to Lehi, and have found quite a few, and it's a little exciting!  And James got to beat people up with a baton at school yesterday.  (they were padded)  So that's awesome! And so is he, so that works out well.  And he had a birthday, which was also awesome. So in summation: James=Awesome. 

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

7 Hours

You know, whenever I read my friends blogs, it reminds me that I should write on mine. But then I feel a little like a copy cat...
Lorelai slept for 7 hours!  Since Christmas and illness, I have been working so hard to get her back on a real schedule, and it's taken forever! To be honest I have fallen asleep all over the place lately. Lorelai lays down for a nap? So do I!  It's 6pm and the TV show we finally got to watch was on commercial, fall asleep.  Drive to the grocery store? Fall asleep.  It's been ridiculous. Maybe I am just overly lazy.... Or perhaps I just can't function on 4 hours of sleep, with feedings every hour...  She is finally going back to normal! She is also crawling. All over the place.  I have had to re baby proof our house. Thomas was never really into everything in our house, he was interested in a few things, but he was really good about staying out of it. Lorelai is so curious. She climbs and pulls and eats everything she sees.  So we have to redouble our babyproofing efforts now that she is very mobile.  Also I read a HORRIBLE story about a little girl who pulled a dresser on top of herself and then died... So now I am super paranoid about that...  Speaking of which, we had a little miracle the other day.  Lorelai was crying in her carseat and choked a little and then coughed and then kept crying, I jsut assumed she had gotten herself overly excited.  We got to the store and she was covered in vomit and there was a large piece of paper in it. She choked on a piece of paper and managed to throw it up.  I literally started to cry when I realized that.  So now I am overly protective of her and follow both kids all over the place, Thomas looks at me like I'm crazy.
Speaking of that cute boy, he has started to play make believe. I LOVE IT! He will pinch his fingers together and bring me some "candy" or "a toy" and share it with me. I can't get over how cute it is.  He does it all the time.  He also speaks so well these days, it makes me want to cry when I think about how he was just a tiny little baby such a short time ago.  He has his favorite phrases like "I can't find it anywhere!"  "Are you okay?"(he asks this anyone anyone gets upset or he hears a loud noise, I didn't realize I did that until he did)  He also says "Oh my heavens" apparently I say that way too much too.   Anytime Lorelai cries, he bring her piles of toys.  Because I have tried to let him help take care of her, and so I ask him to bring her toys, and so now he does it whenever she's sad.  I haven't been able to explain to him that if she's hungry a plush monkey won't do the trick... But it's a nice thought.  And she laughs at him when he cries.  For some reason his crying is hysterical to her.. Which makes me smile, and then I feel bad for laughing at him.  They talk to one another across the car while in their car seats.  He will say "Hey Lolly" and she giggles and gurgles and he says something back and it becomes completely unintelligible to me.
Meanwhile my house never stays clean. EVER.  I swear there is a spell on this apartment that makes is stay dirty.  Or perhaps my standards are too high with a 2 year old, 8 month old, and husband who makes as much mess with the kids toys as they do. Ah, I love it.  And him.  Thomas and Lorelai adore their father.  He comes home and suddenly mom is the most uncool person around. Everyone has to get away from mom to go cuddle with daddy.  And it warms my heart.  The other day I asked Thomas for kisses, and he said no, and smiled all mischievously, so I said "I'm going to have to steal some kisses!"  And now he says to us "Steal kisses from me!"  He thinks it's the greatest thing.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Yuletide Review

There it is, the infamous Santa picture we went through so much to get... I love it!  I have the cutest kids!
So Christmas, it was wonderful, even if it had a few black marks here and there.  One huge black mark was that Thomas was sick. Like REALLY sick.  Go to the ER sick.  After 3 days of no eating and only kind of drinking and non stop crying, we took him in, and he had 2 bad ear infections and a viral infection.  So they gave him meds to stop the vomiting (did I forget to mention he was throwing up all the time?)  and antibiotics.  Also, apparently little kids in the ER get the red carpet treatment.  It was very full, and we got a private waiting room, they gave Thomas a quilt, a search and find toy, a book, and a stuffed dog.  Nurses kept coming to see why he was crying, and if they could do anything, it was really nice of them.  Finally the Dr said he had to drink something, otherwise we would have to be admited to give him fluids, which apparently is really hard on a toddler (for obvious reasons I guess) So the nurse brought him 2 sodas, apple juice and "special pink juice" which he actually drank! And then proceeded to drink everything else, once they got the anti-nausea meds in him he was doing much better. But then we had to wait 2 hours to see if he could keep it down. He did, and we left only to have him throw up in the parking lot, no joke.  But it was okay.
Also, my mom was really sick, so that was no fun.  But we had a great Christmas.  We got to spend time with both families, and give and get plenty of gifts, and we got tons of snow (YAY!)  And Lorelai was perfect, not a peep the whole time we were in the ER and dealing with a super sick brother, she was great.  I love that girl (you too Thomas) 
I just spent the last 4 hours unpacking and putting away gifts as well as reorganizing to fit it all,  we are so blessed! And Thomas is laughing, BEST. SOUND. EVER.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Cookies

We recently took a trip to Colorado, and James' sister had some delicious cookies, so I totally copied her idea.  I found some recipes and reworked them and created a sugar gingerbread hybrid cookie, and then some salted caramel cream cheese frosting. They are pretty good, not gonna lie. I thank my sister in law for the inspiration.  It was so much fun for me to have Thomas help me cut out the shapes and he also had a blast.  I am loving the Christmas season, I also made hot chocolate on a stick. Haven't tried it yet, but we have given it t our neighbors, so I hope it's good....
We have also totally given in to Thomas asking to open presents early, yeah... So we have half as many as we started with, but I'm fine with it, let the magic last as long as possible.   We have decided that we are having our own little Christmas on Saturday, before we celebrate with our families next week.  I'm really excited, I have meals planned, and fun treats and everything, I can't wait!
Also we have started watching Vampire Diaries... It's very CW.